Autumn Anthem: Marcos Vaca’ s Astonishment of Heart
Three months ago, I decided--for the first time ever in my life--to fully take the reins of my own happiness. I moved from Chicago to Los Angeles, where I spent my adolescent years discovering my identity. My hope was simply to return better able to construct a future I could actually look forward to. After over a year of pure isolation, I wanted nothing more than to unite with the closest friends of my past to understand where I should go from here.
After the most healing and joyous summer of my life, I returned to Chicago where I am currently waiting for my junior year of college to start. To put it simply, I am terrified. After losing four loved ones in less than a year--all while being a full time college student during the middle of a global pandemic--I am finding myself raw in anticipation of the year ahead and longing for my summer days.
Listening to Marcos Vaca’s Astonishment of Heart feels like a hug from an old friend and a car ride with the windows down. It is reassurance that I am on the right path and that the people and places I love will always be there no matter where I am. It is nostalgic in the warmest way possible. When I interviewed Vaca, he related that his biggest instrumental influences include The White Stripes, Oasis, and the Beatles, while the lyrics draw inspiration from Elliott Smith. Vaca first started writing the song “Call Me” six years ago; the entire album has progressed from there. Though it was recorded during the pandemic, Astonishment of Heart is by no means a quarantine record. Rather, it merely came to fruition during the pandemic as he began working alongside a skilled team of collaborators.
Amidst the six year duration of the writing process, the concept of the record remained central. Vaca hopes that listeners will uncover it in their own time, only going so far as to say that the title of the record is a hint to its meaning. Yet, he stands firm in his conviction not to tell anyone.
After playing a sold out live show at The Smell--with vaccination required of course--Vaca feels confident that Astonishment of Heart resonates deeply with listeners and feels this outcome is largely the result of his collaboration with artists and friends alike.
Yet, Vaca does not consider himself part of the LA music scene by any stretch of the imagination. Rather, his goal for the album was to do something different from what anyone else was doing. Vaca relates, “There’s no chorus pedals on the entire album… That’s a huge thing in LA: chorus pedals and jazz chords. And I was like ‘none of that.’” Vaca’s conviction is a rejection of the conformity and white supremacy present in the alternative music scene, stating, “There’s a big chip on my shoulder because I was excluded from things because I’m not a rich white kid… I decided to make a record that is a total rebellion of what is happening around me. I’m going to make people know they have to pick a side.” Rather than associating with the broader, conformist scene, Vaca states, “I don’t take part in a music scene, I take part in my friends… There’s a lot of people who have the opportunity and not the ability. I’ve always had the ability and not the opportunity. This record is my way of showing everyone that I am making that opportunity for myself.”
Vaca’s intention of individuality shines brightly through his debut album which truly sounds like nothing I have heard released in the past ten years. Every aspect of the record is a welcome deviation from alternative music’s current form. The song “Devotion” evokes an early 2000s coming of age movie through an intricate lead guitar melody and storytelling lyrics, creating nostalgia outside of the bounds of the immensely overdone “slowed and reverbed” sound. “Moonlight” brings a welcome level of intensity to the album with a wailing guitar tone while “Self Portrait” presents a soft introspection with heavy 60s undertones. Every song on Astonishment of Heart stands solidly on its own as a testament to Vaca’s tapping of untouched alternative music territory. “Song for a Lover” is my personal favorite song from the album. I imagine myself back in Los Angeles watching the sunset over the hills in the distance with my friends, feeling the heat of the summer day give way to the cool and dry night air. I know that I can make this my future reality, and I know that doing so is truly what my heart desires. “West” completes the record in victorious admission to feeling lost within one’s current state, albeit an admission with optimism, force, and a vision of a better tomorrow.
As the Chicago autumn cools down to freezing, I find comfort in knowing that I am in control of my own healing and my own future. If I could create the life of my dreams for one summer, there is nothing holding me back from making that life my reality. Marcos Vaca’s Astonishment of Heart carries the joyful and nostalgia carefree nature of summer into the darker and shorter days of Autumn, bringing with it strength through emotionality. It is the perfect album for introspection as the weather cools, the days shorten, and dreams for a brighter tomorrow begin to take form.