Imperfect Family Relationships
As I’ve gotten older, I have found myself mourning a childhood that I feel I never had due to rocky relationships with my family. My parents never gave me a good model of what a loving and healthy relationship looked like, and frequent arguments with my mom gradually eroded our bond. In contrast to my friends’ stories about arguing and even fighting with their siblings, I never really related to any of that. We didn’t have much to say to each other, much less to argue about. I wonder if that’s worse. I remember being in second grade, watching my classmates holding hands with their family on Parent-Teacher Night, wishing for that kind of relationship.
There is a lot of attention placed on romantic relationships and picture-perfect friendships, but one of the most crucial yet confusing relationships you’ll ever deal with is the one you have with your family. While they are the ones closest to you and you may live under the same roof with them, it isn’t uncommon to feel like they don’t understand you. Whether it be a mother who is overly critical about you or a sibling who you just can’t seem to get along with, family dynamics are messy, and usually not reflective of what is portrayed in movies.
Advice on the Internet on how to improve family relationships is almost always too simple and generalized for how personal an individual’s relationship with their family is. However, these tips can be used as loose guidelines that can then be tailored to fit your specific situation.
Spend more time with your family.
This seems like a no-brainer because it takes time-- a lot of it!-- to work on a relationship. Suggest making dinner or baking together once a week, going on evening walks, having family card game nights, or anything that’s a fun activity and potential bonding and connecting session as well. Hopefully, your family sees your initiative to get closer and appreciates it.
2. Have honest conversations.
Let’s be honest-- 26 conversations about the weather or Elon Musk buying Twitter isn’t going to solve any issues in your relationship (or it might, I don’t know). Most of the time, the difficult conversations that people don’t want to have are usually the most important. Approach topics slowly and patiently, stating your thoughts and feelings and then listening when they share their own opinions. Best case scenario: you all reach a conclusion and are on the path to happily ever after.
3. No pressure.
Families are not perfect. Far from it. What works for someone else may be awful for your family. There is no one-size-fits-all. Don’t feel pressure to have or work towards having a perfect family, because that’s unattainable and way too stressful. Progress in anything is slow. Take your time and be kind to yourself and your family. Wherever you are and wherever you get to is okay.