A Letter to You: How Sex Does Not Define You
To who that is reading this,
Sex does not define you. It is an action with so much negative stigma, pressure, and shame created by a society that was built to put control of your body. We are done with it, or at least, trying to be. While we live in a time where sexual freedom and expression of sexuality is a lawful right, does not mean the criticism has ended. To the ones who don’t have sex because they don’t want to or because they can’t, this is for you. For the ones who have a lot of sex with one partner or with multiple, this is for you. For the ones with a complicated relationship with sex or have it all figured out, this is for you. Please listen.
During the coming of age era of your life, there is an increasing pressure to have sex as if it is a right of passage. Why? Why does sex have to signify such a checkpoint in your life? Can it if you want it to? Sure! But it doesn’t have to be. For some, it is about waiting until the right person comes along, or maybe for their wedding night, and that’s perfectly okay. The “race” to have sex isn’t a race at all, it’s a journey, and you can move as fast or as slow as you want. The pace is for you to choose.
There is also no need to have sex. Some people forget to remember asexuality. People who admire the love from someone’s soul and have no desire for sexual intent exist. Sex is not the most intimate thing for some people. It can be sharing their trust and compassion. The intimacy of sex solely depends on the individual. We already have a society split on how sex should be looked at and treated. The answer is a massive gray area. How you view sex and intimacy is based on your life and your beliefs.
Sex doesn’t also have to some scared act saved for “the one”. Sex is sex. It is however you want to make it. To some, it’s something fun to do with the dime they met at a party. It can be reserved for their only partner, or maybe the multiple they have. Having regular sex is completely normal and okay. The only reason we sometimes see it as promiscuous behavior is because of the way society has held sexual relations to such a precious standard. We have created names for people who have sexual freedom to limit that liberty and to shame them into stopping. If no one has told you yet, I hope you know that as long as it is consensual and safe, do it. You are allowed to participate without shame. If you are not ready yet or simply don’t want to, that's okay too. The decision is yours and will always be yours.
I hope this gives you the reassurance you needed. Don’t let the world tell you what to do or not do with something that is completely your choice. While we all have different perspectives on it, respect the belief of the other person next to you. Shame used to weigh over us, let’s not let it anymore.
Your friend,
Bryanna